Right now I feel like I should be wrapping up my work week. Instead I am on my laptop, in bed, with some intentions of checking my GHCC email and slogging through some paperwork before the day is over.

Yesterday I was in bed all day, slightly feverish and hurting all over, recovering from a stomach virus I no doubt picked up at the school. I know this because I have not gotten a stomach virus since first grade. There are perils to returning to elementary school, for sure.

When I was young and stayed home sick, my mom would often insist that I take an extra "day of rest" on the first day I woke up feeling better. I remembered this as I got into my car this morning exhausted from the task of getting dressed and ready to leave. As my mother may have predicted, I hardly got anything done and ended up leaving after a few hours anyway because I had a killer headache and absolutely no energy. Mind you, in the past 36 hours I had eaten nothing but a soft pretzel and a piece of toast, which may have had something to do with it.

So here I am with my cat, Katie, sleeping on the bed next to me, hoping I'll be well enough to do at least half of the fun things I had planned for tomorrow. At least I have eaten a substantial amount since getting home: half a package of ramen noodles and two small pieces of chocolate.

This is getting a little ridiculous. I'm ready to see my energy and good health come back now.

In almost everything I do, I want it to be perfect. Recently I was talking to a teacher I had in grade school about my sister, who is now one of her students. "She is so serious, and very hard on herself. Remind you of anyone???"

Born 14 years apart, we are surprisingly similar in some of our mannerisms and attitudes. One of the most striking examples is that pursuit of perfection and the difficulties we face just to keep going in the face of frustration.

If I am working on a task that matters to me, I want it to be perfect. From the outside I am sure it looks like I am doing a good job, but I still feel like I am underachieving, like there is something more I should be doing, like I am not working hard enough. When faced with adversity or challenge I never give up, but it is so overwhelming to keep wanting more and more from myself and knowing I don't have a ready source to draw it from. Somehow I need to find a way to turn around and see it all from the other side, see the bigger picture, and know I still have the power to exceed others' expectations even if I cannot exceed my own.