Today marked the first day of winter break, at least as far as after-school programs are concerned. I can't help but feel a pang of guilt every time I rejoice at their absence: I mean, what about the kids, or even the volunteers?

Today in our Monday meeting our executive director came down from her office to listen to our words about expectations, realities, accomplishments and frustrations. I mentioned these programs as my greatest frustration as well as one of my greatest sources of pride. When I arrived at the school I didn't expect my role as director of the after-school programs would be so all-encompassing. I didn't expect the programs themselves to need so much supervision, and I generally underestimated the commitment. We have had our share of challenges, both from kids and volunteers. School staff has not always been supportive or understanding.

At the same time, I personally have led the way through a lot of meetings, emails, suspensions and solid progress. The big picture looks a lot better than it did a couple months ago, as does the scene when you walk into the classroom. I have been part of the team that decided to change the course of the program, even if it's just because I happened to be there.

So yes, the after-school programs have been a black hole for my time and a huge pain, among other things. They have also introduced me to a lot of awesome volunteers and kids, as well as given me a chance to be persistent, flexible and creative in my position. After-school programs are my primary opportunity to interact with the kids one on one, and I'll miss that next semester when I (hopefully) am not around as much.

All that said, shaking free of this burden (we'll call it what it is, even if I've gained a lot from it) will give me so much opportunity to do the work I've been placed here to do.